A Gallery of Messes

By |September 24th, 2015|

Parenting is messy business. Behold…I present to you…A Gallery of Messes.

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When, during dinner, your husband cleans up a massive water spill, you get up to help, and trip over the dog’s water AND food dishes…

 

When Puffs live up to their name…

 

When…just…when all the time…

 

When your dog has competition…

 

When your brother-in-law runs a load of dishes for you…

 

When your son is independently playing…with the foreign objects under the bathroom sink…

 

When your Pinterest-inspired sensory bin backfires while you’re […]

To the Hot Mom Jogging

By |September 23rd, 2015|

To the Hot Mom Jogging:

I want to be you. You jog so freely in the middle of the morning and it makes me want to trade your place.

I’d trade my thrown together outfit for your trendy work out clothes.

I’d trade my hot mess, day-old, sticky sucker hair for your long and flowing pony.

I’d trade my pack mule, slouching posture for your straightened back and shoulders.

I’d trade my scattered brain and clumsy self for your confidence and focus.

I’d trade my noisy car of crazy kids for the music of your iPod.

But…

…my thrown together outfit allows me the freedom to get down […]

Just Google It

By |September 22nd, 2015|

Me: “Well, we’re not doctors so I just want to make sure it’s okay that we gave him both of those meds at the same time.”

Walks over to the computer, pulls up Google, types in the two medications in question and hits “Search”

Husband: “We’re not doctors but you’ll see what a bunch of strangers say on Google?”

Me: “…….yah…….”

If you grabbed your phone to dial the number to Child Protective Services, don’t worry. We went to the Pediatrician the next day and she confirmed the treatment course we had enacted the night before. It turns out your brains, the ability to […]

The Boomerang Phenomenon

By |September 8th, 2015|

Some nights of sleep when you’re a parent are just epic. And by epic, I mean so completely terrible it’ll bring you to the brink of tears just thinking about how you’ll be able to survive the next day of responsibilities after having had so little sleep. I’m convinced that huge dives in the stock market, sluggish traffic jams, and long wait times at medical clinics are just a handful of the unfortunate events caused by people who are parents who experienced the Boomerang Phenomenon the night before.

The Boomerang Phenomenon, as I like to call it, is when your child […]

Slipping on Purees and Life Callings

By |September 1st, 2015|

Last night at dinner I had an episode. Our 3-year-old was sitting at his spot at the dinner table being obnoxious — making obnoxious noises, pushing his food around his plate, and telling us he’ll wait to eat his kiwi until he was older. Our 9-month-old was covered in baby food and throwing everything on the floor off her high chair. My nerves.were shot. My son got up from his chair, obnoxiously rounded the table to see his baby sister and totally slipped on a splattering of pureed green beans surrounded by an array of baby spoons on the hardwood […]