I realized the other day after posting a Facebook status that I joke way too much about my poor nutritional choices. I mean, the poor nutritional choices I make are minimal compared to how many wonderful choices I make, but only posting the poor choices portrays me as someone needing an Michelle Obama-esque intervention. For instance, here are a few of my latest posts which highlight sub-par nutritional choices:

“When you call the pediatrician to discuss the hives your toddler broke out with over the weekend and you confess you’re sure they’re not food-induced since all said toddler had that morning was a sprinkle donut and dry Chex cereal…ahem. And the donut wasn’t crafted with broccoli florets or puréed squash. And the sprinkles were not quinoa. #itwaseaster #todayisgroceryday”

“I thoroughly enjoyed our clean eating tonight. And by clean eating, I mean the boxed mashed potatoes on top of our Shepherd’s Pie and canned biscuits were so good I cleaned my plate. And by my plate, I mean my paper plate.”

“I wish that when it came to serving sizes companies would just add another column of what the totals would all be if you ate the entire box/bag in one sitting. I mean, that just saves me a lot of time crunching the numbers myself.”

“Nick just brought the dishes to the sink that had piled up on my nightstand. I have a serial eating problem at bedtime. And by that, I mean a cereal eating problem. #homophones #badumtsss”

But there’s just nothing humorous about clean eating. If anything, posts about healthy eating just makes everyone else feel bad about themselves. When was the last time you grinned ear to ear over someone posting about eating Greek yogurt with granola and Chia seeds in it for breakfast? Or when you read about someone drinking an entire glass in one sitting of water infused with lemon, cucumber, Christmas trees, strawberry, and the nectar from the endangered Cucamonga flower found only behind the waterfalls in the rainforests of Costa Rica? When was the last time you belly laughed by reading your friend’s proud post about ordering a side salad instead of fries to go with his burger? The only thing that would be funny about that is if he ordered mini slider burgers as a side to go with his burger…and gave the side salad to his kid. There’s just no humor in seared salmon with steamed spinach.

But then I got to thinking…….asparagus. THAT’S where the humor is in nutritional eating.

Asparagus makes your pee smell funny.

……….that’s all I got.