Germs are everywhere. I know they’ve always been everywhere, but since having kids it’s as if I look through scope-like goggles that zero in on possible contaminants and red flashing “enemy” text pops up in my line of sight. My mind is often screaming throughout the day. DANGER!!! DANGER!!! Sometimes the enemy is a kid running around in the vicinity of my kid with snot dripping into their mouths. CHANGE COURSE!!! ABORT MISSION!!! my brain yells. Sometimes the enemy is the stack of dimes and pennies my kid is having fun putting in his piggy bank one by one. KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM AND PROCEED TO THE SOAP AND HOT WATER STATION IMMEDIATELY!!! Who cares about fine motor skills and finger strength when you’re dead from Ebola, Staph, Salmonella, or other transmissible diseases.

But sometimes I feel daring. Usually on Thursdays and Fridays when I’ve stopped caring about anything and just count down the hours until my husband is home from work on Friday and I have back-up until Monday morning. I’ll get back from taking the kids to the community center pool and put my pajamas directly on instead of showering. I like playing the whole will-I-or-will-I-not-get-a-rash game. It’s like, Communicable Diseases Roulette. Besides, I spend about 80% of my time in the shower directing the water to rinse hair clumps off me, 15% of my time wishing I could bring snacks in there with me, and 5% of my time actually showering. That’s not something I can handle doing in the middle of the day while also barking orders as my kids unroll the toilet paper, take all the lids off my lipstick, lift the toilet seat up and down, and make a move for all of the hazardous liquids within reach while I’m incapacitated.

So on Communicable Diseases Roulette days, I pop a vitamin in my mouth, wash it down with a glass of orange juice, and set my essential oils diffuser to “turbo” and hope for the best.

What has been your most memorable germaphobe moment?!