My friend and I earned a Girl Scout badge today. Actually, based on the sheer volume of spider webs and spiders that could only be described as steroid-induced or GMO that we encountered on our seemingly innocent nature walk through the woods with our young children, I’d say we earned our Eagle Scout status…and our Didn’t-Lose-Our-Crap Status. This was in part due to my trail mate, Carissa, whose ever-optimistic demeanor and gentle voice talked both toddler and grown-up down from emotional instability to a place of calmness as we realized how far…oh so very far away we were from the start of the trail we had originally set off on. 

Carissa sat with the kids while they had snacks so I could run ahead and scout out a few paths to see which way made our GPS signal track in the right direction. But it was muddy. And I had flip flops on, the shoes of true suburban adventurers. I took them off and ran unencumbered through the woods. I was basically naked. Essentially. I was Naked and Afraid. And now in need of a pedicure as my mom toenails were now caked with mud. 

But I was able to return to my now-fed trail mates with news of great cardinal directional joy. I had found the right path. I thanked Jesus first and foremost, and then Apple for installing GPS on the iPhone despite the fact that the government was probably enjoying the movements of the erratic blue dot through the wilderness of green trees. 

We had never been so excited to see the sights of other moms eating lunch with their children as we neared the beginning of the trail…moms with their children whom we had passed many moons ago. Moms with apparently better trail reading skills.

We got to the van and I lovingly and affectionately secured my kids in the car seats and gave them lapfuls of snacks and turned on a movie. I mean, I had to strip my toddler down because she was soaking wet from an incident at the bottom of a waterfall, but that’s another bunny trail for another time.

I crawled in the drivers seat and began stuffing Fritos into my mouth. #eatyourfeelings